Tags
accident, be the good, death, faith, family, first day, friends, gift of life, healing, hero, high school, hurt, life, organ donation, pain, teen, teenager
I’m sitting here at work. I’m unable to focus. I’m unable to stop my eyes from continually welling up with tears. My heart aches. My daughter lost a friend and it’s all that I can think about. I need to write to clear my head – to attempt to process my tumultuous emotions.
The first day of school was Thursday and that night Tori (my daughter’s friend) was in a terrible accident. Her cousin was driving and he hit a tree – a huge tree that was lying across the entire road. Our area was hit with multiple severe thunderstorms over the course of a few days. From what I’ve heard, this particular tree had been lying in the road for over 24 hours, maybe longer – there were no orange cones, no signage, no reflective rope, no caution tape, no closed road, no anything to indicate the tree was there. I’m assuming that it was also pitch-black. It was at night and most of our area was without power. It sounds like the driver was possibly speeding and Tori was in the backseat not wearing a seatbelt. I can’t even see my screen as I type this; my eyes are again filling up with tears just thinking about it. I might not have all of the details completely accurate (as I’m going by hearsay), but I know that this precious, young girl tragically lost her life.
When I initially heard about the accident, it sounded like Tori was in bad shape, but it also sounded like she was going to make it. I thought about her all day long and prayed so many times for her healing. Later that night, the messaging changed, or maybe the messaging was just more accurate; I’m not sure. Either way, it felt like a total shock. I was working on my laptop in the kitchen when my daughter received a message about Tori’s condition. When she read the message out loud, I felt a numbness run through my body. I spun around in my chair and disbelievingly shouted, “WHAT?!?!?” NO, NO, NO…that is not what I had previously heard, that couldn’t be true. I didn’t want to believe it; I couldn’t believe it. I immediately started scrolling social media desperately searching and hoping for a different outcome.
My heart is shattered – for Tori, for her family, for her friends. Tori had one – only one day of high school. She had so much more life to live. She was the same age as my daughter, 15 years old. While high school has a fair share of drama and stress, it’s also supposed to be a time of growing up. It’s supposed to be a time of slowly but surely sort of figuring out who you are and what matters to you. It’s supposed to be a time of countless fun and carefree moments shared with close friends and classmates resulting in memories that last a lifetime. How many of us occasionally reminisce about our old high school days? I know I do. Tori deserved a chance to experience those fun, unforgettable high school moments and countless more moments after high school. I think that’s one of the reasons this is so hard – she was so young.
I didn’t really know Tori myself. She and my daughter were friends at school and they hung out when they both went skating on Friday nights, but that doesn’t seem to make this any less painful. When my daughter shares stories of Tori or a quick Snapchat video of them with friends…it hurts my heart.
Just a few months ago, my daughter saw a TikTok of Tori cutting her own hair, which was a popular trend at the time. So, she Facetimed Tori to see her hair and Tori told her she should do it too (ha ha) – and she did! These two teenage girls thought it was a good idea to cut their own hair and with it being a TikTok trend, I can only imagine how many other girls spontaneously did the same exact thing. Oh, the teenage years, when it feels like the current moment is the only thing that matters – we’ve all been there.
My daughter shared with me that she and Tori walked out of school together on the first day and they talked about what a long day it was. That’s so relatable. Remember how your teachers would fill your first day with endless rules and expectations – uhhhh, boring! I wish the girls would have had hundreds of more opportunities to walk out of high school together.
On the day that I started to write this (I’ve come back to it a few times), something so meaningful happened. When I got in my car to leave work, the song, Breakaway, by Kelly Clarkson was on the radio. When I heard the lyrics below, I completely lost it. But..I believe it was undoubtedly a God thing. The timing was impeccable and although the words hurt so much, they gave me this little sense of peace that Tori is in the arms of Jesus.
I’ll spread my wings and I’ll learn how to fly
I’ll do what it takes ’til I touch the sky
And I’ll make a wish, take a chance, make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won’t forget all the ones that I love
I’ll take a risk, take a chance, make a change
And breakaway
I’ll spread my wings
And I’ll learn how to fly
Though it’s not easy to tell you goodbye
I gotta take a risk, take a chance, make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won’t forget the place I come from
I gotta take a risk, take a chance, make a change
And breakaway
Breakaway, Breakaway
Of all the songs that could have been on, of all the words I could have heard – God knew what I needed at that very moment. It was no coincidence; it was too timely and too perfect. I pray that God will do the same for Tori’s family. I pray that He will bring them the solace they need when the grief is too much, which must be what it feels like every single moment.
Tori’s family donated her organs. Through what must have been unfathomable and unbearable pain, they gave others the most precious gift. Imagine your entire world unexpectedly and devastatingly turned completely upside down, yet you still find the strength to do quite possibly the most altruistic, honorable, generous and impactful thing you can do – donate your beloved child’s organs. What a better place this world would be if we all showed that kind of compassion.
Your definition of a hero might vary a little from mine, but I bet we can agree it’s intrinsically about selflessness and what you do for others. Tori’s gift of life is the biggest legacy one can leave. When some people pass, they are able to leave a hefty inheritance, but no amount of money or property or fame compares to the gift of life. If you doubt that, ask not only the recipients of Tori’s heart, lungs and liver, but also ask their loved ones. I am confident they will be forever grateful for Tori’s life-saving gift – which matters more than anything else they could have ever received.
I learned that a local U-Pick flower field was asked to make the floral arrangements for Tori’s funeral. They are doing it at no cost. I was so touched by their generosity that I messaged them just to say that I thought it was so kind. They messaged me back and this is what they said, “…I live by the saying when you can’t find the good, BE the good. Being there for people who need some extra love helps me get through my day!!!” In my humble opinion, that’s simply amazing and what a wonderful life motto to follow. From what I’ve come to learn, it sounds like that’s a philosophy that Tori might have followed herself – BE the good.
I hope and pray that someday… somehow… someway…Tori’s family gets an opportunity to meet the fortunate individuals that were blessed with a second chance at life because of Tori’s gift. If that opportunity would help bring peace and healing to their broken hearts, then Jesus, please allow it to happen!
Miss Tori Daelyn, it is incredibly clear that you were loved by so many. I thank you for being a friend to my daughter. Thank you for being so “chill” (that’s how you were described) and from someone like me who has a tendency to be a tad uptight – I greatly admire that quality.
Send strength from the Heavens, sweet girl. You are missed so much.
(Note: I shared the information about Tori not wearing a seatbelt for the sole purpose of hoping that information might save another life. I think we are all guilty of hopping in the car at times and not buckling up. Please talk to your teen(s) about the importance of wearing their seatbelt.)